What Doesn't Kill You WILL Make You Stronger! October 23 2014
2014 has been a year filled with fabulous highs and cavernous lows. I was devastated when I got the call that my mother had passed this year. I knew that no one lives forever but I didn't conceive that the day would come to reality that every season must change. My mother had always been there for me and she was my biggest supporter but the day had come when I couldn't hear her voice any longer. I couldn't tell her my woes or feel her motherly comfort. Somehow I had to keep going even though part of me was lost forever. My husband was my rock during my season of despair, supporting me, consoling me and showing me in not only words but also in comforting silence that he was there for me in more ways than one. Several months passed and then we got a call. My husbands mother was no longer with us. "Lord how can this be?" I have to not only empathize with my husband but swap roles and try to give him the solace that he so desperately needs. To look in his eyes and see that emptiness that I could not fill for him was almost to much to bear. These tragedies made our hugs tighter, our love deeper and our commitment to one another even stronger. Masking the pain while trying to run not only a household but also a new business was the epitome of a struggle but we carried on. We put on our boots, laced them up and were determined that through this struggle that their was glory awaiting us. So we got back in the saddle and kept trucking. The pain started to subside, our business started to grow and life after several months started to find its rut of routine. Then....the phone rang. My beloved sister had gone home to be with God. I will not lie to you and tell you that I took this in stride. To this day the amount of grief within such a short amount of time took its toll on me. I thought to myself, "How can I even stand the thought of making soap anymore when every time I look at bar it reminds me of the years of me packing them into little care packages to send to my mother, my sister and mother in law?" All I could do is feel that deep empty feeling inside like when you go too long without eating. Your thoughts are unassembled, your energy nonexistent and focus has vanished. My struggle was all to real. But I will tell you what happened. I was overcome with a overwhelming tsunami of peace....rushing over me like a flooded Niagara Falls. Clarity struck me like the brights bolt of lightening in the Grand Canyon on a moonless night. "This will not break me!" "This will not defeat me!" I found my strength in my husband and my son and his family. That we are closer than ever before. I found my peace in knowing that this bar of soap that I cut with my hand could feel the skin of someone who has their own struggles. Life has its ways doesn't it? It will throw the Great Wall of China in front of you in various forms. It will want you to look left and right as far as the eye can see to remind you that IT is bigger than you and that there is no way you can get around it. But I want you to know that you can stumble upon YOUR strength and realize that you can climb that wall! It's not insurmountable and it's not impossible and when you look back and realize that you overcame you will realize that all the pain, heartache and struggle did not define you. It did not deter you...it only slowed you down and made you stronger than you ever thought you were!
With all My Love